Lover's Rules To Live By

 Before Brandon and I became a couple, I had 2 serious relationships.  With each relationship, I learned more about myself and the process of love.  While they didn't work out, I am thankful for the lessons learned and experiences I took away from each.
I was sixteen and in high school when I had my first real boyfriend.  My parents were on the brink of divorce and I was having too much fun with my friends to even notice.  He was the first boy that came to my house to take me out on a date:  "Hi, Mr. Graver, I'm here to pick up your daughter." Wham! My dad slams the door in his face without so much as a hello.  He was the first boy I ever felt comfortable around.  We had lots of fun and he spoiled me rotten.  Time passed and he went off to college. Time and distance grew us apart and just like that, our puppy love relationship ended.  I learned many things from my first real romance.  He taught me about love and how to love.  I learned how a woman should be treated and if a man loves you, he'll show you.  He broke down my walls and showed me it was okay to be sensitive.  Can I borrow a box of Kleenex?  I also learned, it's true what they say, long distance relationships almost never work....

Before I knew it, prince charming came riding by in his pickup truck.  A fisherman and a love for all things country, those big green eyes reeled me in.  I was smitten all over again.  A southern gentlemen whom I loved nothing more than watching and listening to him sing songs as he strummed his guitar.  He loved to talk and I loved to listen.  We were perfect for each other in every wrong way.  We were young and in love but it wasn't meant to be.  He too, taught me many things about love.  One of the most important lessons I've learned was patience.  He was extremely patient and kind.  Nothing bothered him.  I loved that about him.  That calm demeanor is an important characteristic to have in this life.  I also learned it is important to always look good for your man.  Just like women, men will window shop.  If you don't want him straying off, try and always look your best.  He also taught me the importance of family.  I loved what a tight unit his family was and continues to be.  He is that boy that will always hold a special place in my heart that only girls can understand.  I may never forget my first love but I will always remember why it didn't work.

As I've mentioned in previous posts, I was patient with falling in love with Brandon.  I gave our relationship time to grow and flourish into what it is today.  It was not love at first sight, it was a love built on friendship.  While time was on our side, friends and family were not.  We were polar opposites and grew up in two different worlds.  We were completely wrong for each other in every right way.  Brandon isn't perfect, but he was perfect for me.  One day I told, Brandon, "we aren't going to work out."  While everyone gave me a hundred reasons why it wouldn't work out, my heart gave me a hundred plus one, reasons why it would.  I missed him so much and I was angry that I was letting others dictate my happiness with another soul.  I snuck over to his house on his lunch break and waited for him.  We saw each other and I got instant tingles.  I'll never forget that hug and I haven't let go since.  I wish I could frame that moment in time.  It was magical. In that instant, I knew.  My heart was happy.  He made me happy.  I was madly, deeply, and undeniably in love with Brandon.  Obviously, the rest is history...

Brandon and I have been through a lot together and our history continues to manifest lessons for both of us, our family, and our relationship.  Some have asked over the years how we make it work and well, here are a few of our rules to live by:

Boost up your mate:  There will always be dark times on the horizon and it is during those times, we must be there for one another.  It is not the time to blame, talk negative, or bring the other one down.  We have to continue to work hard to boost each other to be the best that we can be.  It is crucial that we bring out the best in each other.

Put in the effort: Being in a marriage is a lifetime commitment.  The most important full-time job you will ever have because it will set the tone for your family.  With great effort, there are bonuses and perks.  Continue to water it like a garden as it is constantly evolving and changing and like a precious flower, you must nurture it and preserve it always.

Listen:  Not the kind of listening you hear Beyonce singing in Dream Girls the musical, but listen whole-heartedly. Eyes locked, drown out the noise other than your spouse's voice.  Him and I and nothing else.  Repeat and reassure you hear one another.

No secrets:  Obvious enough...

Always say good morning and good night:  We are the first to acknowledge each other in the morning and the last before we go to bed.  It sets the tone for a great day and gives for a peaceful night of sleep.  Don't be afraid of morning breath, it never killed anyone.

Fight fair:  I took a marriage and family counseling class in college and I actually learned a lot of beneficial techniques.  One being, to always fight fair.  It's easy to get angry and not listen to one-another.  Never call each other names and always show respect when arguing.  If that doesn't work, I get naked.  Works every time!

Eat and sleep together:  Eating together paves the way for a lot of dialogue.  For example, "Honey, your food tastes like shit."  I'm not known for being a good cook but Brandon knows I try my hardest to be Martha Stewart.  We get to reminisce about our day, vent, share stories, and Brandon will typically squeeze in a fart or two.  No matter what size bed we have slept in, we always end up right next to each other.  There is truth behind big spoon, little spoon.  It's a way to connect on a physical and emotional level.

Have fun:  Just because we got married doesn't mean we stopped having fun.  One of my favorite qualities about Brandon is that there is never a dull moment.  He always has me laughing.  We truly have a wonderful time together and enjoy each other's company.

I married my best friend:  Why are you BFF's in the first place?  I trust him completely, we have fun together and laugh uncontrollably, and I'm guaranteed a good time.  He is there to pick me up when I fall... or laugh.  He is the only one who is secretly making fun of the same person I am without even saying it.  There is no one I'd rather spend my days with. Period.

If the grass isn't green enough: GET SOME FERTILIZER!  The grass is never greener on the other side.  A marriage needs work, upkeep, and maintenance.  Don't let it turn brown.

My marriage is a fortress:  I will protect my family at all costs.  I will always maintain it, educate it, and thrive from it.  I'll never let anyone break down our walls.  We know what we have and we aren't willing to let anyone damage it.

Celebrate:  We celebrate each other, anniversaries, birthdays, and the just-because.  It's a fun and special way to show we care about one another.  The best way to celebrate each other is on days with no meaning.  They are unexpected and it adds life to a rather dull day.  Be each other's biggest fan.

PDA:  I'm the first one to cringe at the sight of teenagers swapping spit however, Brandon and I always hold hands or are locked in arms.  And yes, we are that annoying couple that sometimes holds hands in the car.


Unplug:  In a digital age, it can be difficult to unplug.  However, it is necessary to show your relationship just as much time as you show Facebook, instagram, and Pinterest.  I promise your smart phone and Ipad are not going anywhere.

Love notes:  You are never too old for a beautiful love note.  Brandon and I leave short post-it notes with quotes, messages of sweet nothings, or a simple I love you, all over the house.  They are on our front door, mirrors, even inside the refrigerator.  They mean so much to us.  It is the easiest way to express your love.


Take care of yourself:  Always try and look good for your honey.  I know he can't resist my granny-panties but some lace undies can go a long way.  That new outfit you've been eyeing, throw on some Hanky Panky's, I'm sure you'll get it.  On date nights, I always try and look good for Brandon.  Not only do I want him to be proud of who he is standing next to but I know his ego gets a little boost when another guy is checking me out.

Surround yourselves with positive role models:  I'm not talking about Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphrie.  We surround ourselves with friends that have positive relationships in family and in their spouse.  It inspires us to want to be better to each other.

I am not perfect nor is my marriage.  However, we work very hard to preserve the special bond we have and continue to nurture our family.  I still curse like a truck driver and burp every now and then.  Okay, okay, all the fucking time. Yes, I hardly ever wear makeup and my husband refuses to shave his armpits and back hair for me.  He can clear out a bar with his gas (true story) and make me laugh like no other.  No one can give me the tingles quite like him.  We continue to love each other dearly and shower our marriage with respect and love, one burp and fart at a time.