My Sweet, Olivia: My Greatest Lesson In Love and Life.

Becoming a mommy has been my sweetest joy, biggest love, greatest accomplishment, and a change so
tall and grand, no expert could ever climb it and still comprehend it.  No tell-all or how-to book could quite fully prepare me for my sweet, little Olivia, my greatest lesson learned.  A lesson in life and love that will continue to educate until the end of my time.

On August 7, 2012, six days past Olivia's expected due date,  I was stumbling in slow motion like a zombie.  Not even Daryl Dixon could have rescued me.  That morning I went to get a bikini wax because I knew Olivia would be making her debut soon and I wanted to be decent for her delivery.  Giving birth is not a pretty thing so anything I could do to uphold some dignity, believe me, I was doing it.  There I was, waxing on and waxing off, while the esthetician kept teasing, "You better not go into labor on my table!"  I insisted she not worry that I was scheduled to be induced the following day.  With some help off the table and a fresh pee-pee, I was off.  All I wanted to do was sleep so I headed back to Grandma's hotel.  My mom asked if I could run to Home Depot and pick up some things for her.   Brandon and I were off to what felt like the biggest store on the planet.  With an imaginary megaphone in hand, I was begging Brandon to slow down.  He was walking faster than my swollen feet could handle.  Mr. Smith, your wife is on aisle 2.  She seems to have fallen asleep in a bathtub. Can you come pick her up?  Not a true story, but one I definitely contemplated.  I was dragging ass and wattling slower than any hippo.  My lower back was burning, literally burning.  My pubic bone was hurting more than normal as well.  Get me out of here, I demanded!  Deep down, I knew my body was beginning to prepare itself for birth.  One more stop, I suggested.  I wanted a comfy bra and PJ for my hospital stay.  We drove across the street to Macys.  Thank God for escalators, that's all I'm going to say.  "That will be $32.99," and BAM! It hit me.  My first contraction.  Holy fuck!  I laid my head into the crease of my elbow right at the register and finally, we went home.

My sweetest cupcake ever created still baking in the oven.

Getting closer...

Swollen feet and ankles.  Cute isn't it?

I laid in the same room I had grown up in thinking about my life and the new life that I would soon meet.  I had one dog on patrol guarding my belly, the other propping up my swollen feet. What will she look like?  Will she be healthy?  Will I be a good mom?  Will Brandon help clean the house more now like he promised (I was pushing it, I know)?  Olivia was quiet that day, I assume resting up for her big arrival.  Mimi showed up in her hot pink rollers, hugging and kissing me with excitement.  Of course she had to sing to me and tickle my back and naturally it made me feel better until... My mom would pop in and out of my room with obnoxious jokes that would ultimately make me laugh.  Brandon and I caught up on some Fresh Prince as contractions came and went.  WE were ready, I was ready, and now it was a matter of if Olivia was ready.  Later that evening, my contractions grew stronger and stronger with each passing breath.  I somehow managed to do my hair and shave my legs in the middle of all this, occasionally stopping to lean against the wall in anguish.  My mom continued to make fun of me, Mimi still had rollers in her hair, Brandon was beginning to get nervous, and I was ready to kill someone.  It was time to go!  I arrived at the hospital sometime around 10ish at night.  They wheeled me up and I signed my life away.  I demanded an epidural!  I could no longer stomach the pain.  I became dizzy so they gave me some oxygen.  The pain was so intense, almost indescribable.  Each contraction, I panicked more and more.  In came the cutest Doogie Howser to take away my pain.  My hero! Forehead to forehead, the nurse helped keep me still while I received an epidural.  Minutes later I was at peace.  I told Doogie, I loved him and if I could take him home with me.  He laughed at me and said, "You're welcome."  I no longer was in torture and it became a party in the hospital room.  Visitors dressed in pink came and went and finally it was time to push.  I was ready for it, "let's do this," I said.  It was a wonderful experience.  I was not in pain and was simply enjoying the journey.  Before my last push, I suddenly found myself hungry and wanted a steak, to which my doctor quickly replied, "Can someone get this girl a steak!" After a hearty laugh, I mustered all the strength I had left and gave it one last push.  It was an exhausting process and I pushed for a total of 38 minutes and finally at 3:38 A.M., there she was.  My daughter, Olivia Ashley Smith, was born.  This little person I've cared for, loved, and developed for nine months was here.  All six pounds of her, including her 10 fingers and ten toes.  They placed her on my stomach and she smiled.  From that first smile, life as I knew it, had changed forever.

Olivia's BFF and bodyguard.

Mimi was all ready for the hospital. 

The BEST Dr. and nurse.

Hooked up to some oxygen.  Contractions are a pain ;)

Ouch!

Meet Olivia!

Proud mama moment.

I have heard many horror stories about raising a baby.  Parents tend to forget the positives and giggle there way through the negatives.  "Say goodbye to sleep."  "There goes your relationship."  "Life is over."  I sleep perfectly fine, my relationship is stronger than ever, and life is merely but a dream and just getting started.  I learn every day through Olivia.  She has taught me what she likes to eat, all the different varieties and colors of the rainbow that is ca-ca, the value of setting a schedule early on, and the magic that is an infant's smile and giggle.  Things are not perfect, and like her, we learn as we go - together.

For 17 months I haven't been alone.  For 17 months, either in the womb or sleeping next to me, she still kicks me to let me know she is here.  However, motherhood can be a lonely place.  How is that possible?  In life, you lose and gain new and old friends and my transition into motherhood was no exception. The first couple months we had a ton of visitors eager to meet and play with Olivia.  As time passed by, friends and some family stopped coming over as much.  It was just Olivia and I after Brandon went back to work.  It's hard to uphold a conversation with a baby because as you know, they don't talk back as much.  I get a lot of ba ba ba,  ma, ma, ma, and more ba, ba, ba.  Before I knew it, I forgot how to hold a conversation with a normal adult.  I find myself anxious if Olivia isn't in my arms and let's be honest, I can only talk about The Mickey Mouse Club so much.  However, I have found other's like me.  Other new and old moms who were experiencing the same feelings as me.  One mom I recently spoke with was so excited I shared my story with her because she had always felt the same way but had never uttered a word about her feelings till she realized we shared a common bond.  She was embarrassed.  Can you imagine being an adult who has forgotten how to talk to other adults?  Well, apparently it's common and it does happen.  Cray, cray, I know...

I've learned to adjust to motherhood over the last 8 months.  I've learned to love the new Mickey Mouse

Club.  I've accepted the fact that while some friends and I tend to speak less and less, I have taken an appreciation into the ones who have never left and the new ones I have connected with.  I've learned to go out on play dates and not be so shy.  I've learned to cook baby purees.  I've learned children have an endless supply of boogers and drool.  I've learned it's not as disgusting if it's your own child.   I've learned, babies will throw up and poop on your favorite shirt.   I've learned how to love a life bigger than mine and what it means to raise a child.  I've learned the value of patience and understanding.  I grew an appreciation for my own mother and all other mother's out there because this job ain't easy.  I've learned I am my daughter's best example so I better get my shit together and ease up on the cussing.  Work in progress, I promise.  I've learned that if I never had another normal conversation with an adult ever again, my life could go on babbling with Olivia and nothing else would matter.  Finally, and my most important lesson I've learned on this journey of family and motherhood, my forever best friend, my sweet, Olivia, will always be my side, continuing to learn with me as we go - together.

All pictures borrowed from Pinterest.