I was fortunate enough to grow up with two parents in a beautifully blessed life. I went to a fabulous school, grew up in a wonderful and safe neighborhood, and most importantly, I had two parents who gave my brothers and I the best life they knew how to give us. On August 24, 1992, Hurricane Andrew ripped through Miami. As fast as Andrew came and went, so did my parent's marriage. My parents had a marriage longer than most, approximately fifteen years. I blinked and just like that, the Graver's were another statistic and the talk amongst Miami gossip for all who knew them. I was about fifteen years young when my parents divorced. My brothers were at a more tender and vulnerable age, between ten and thirteen years young. The divorce had a larger impact on the boys than myself. I'll never forget the day, we were sitting in my room when my mom told me, "We are getting a divorce." I was numb and to be honest, I was probably thinking about when I could go back outside and play with my friends in the neighborhood.
Life was tough, it took years for my family to recover from Hurricane Andrew. They spent years repairing what took a total of a few hours to destroy. The foundation was broken and so was our family. If the structure isn't standing, everything inside crumbles, and we were no strangers to that. My parents split and my father left the state when his children needed him most. My mom was left to raise three teenagers in an environment she tried to keep "normal". However, there was nothing normal about it. Everything we were used to was no longer readily available. Private school was no longer an option. Food and electricity was tough to come by. Shopping and fun with friends, see ya! We were left to survive and we did just that, survive. I will never truly know how my mom did it all, as she made it her mission to keep us in the life we always knew. My grandparents played a pivotal role in the lives of my brother and I. They helped keep the lights on, our tummies filled, and clothes on our backs.
Throughout the years, in friends, other family members, volunteerism, reviewing research, and my own personal life, I've learned that the absence of a male presence can change the course of a young life. Without the male presence, a life is being robbed of it's fullest potential indefinitely and the lives to come after them. Shockingly, nearly 15 million children are being raised without a father. If that's not a crisis, I don't know what is. The effects of a child growing up without their father are endless. A growing number of studies is now showing that children growing up without a male-figure has proven to have a negative impact on social emotional development of children that continues to haunt them into adulthood. In addition, the child is more likely to engage in delinquent behaviors. Older children may become sexual at an early age or self-medicate their angst and anxiety with alcohol and drugs. Children may develop deep-rooted insecurities that affect their trust through friendships, dating, and other relationships. They may find themselves depressed because the abandonment has lead them to feel inadequate for not keeping their father around. It's a vicious cycle that can be continued into adulthood and follow into their children's children. This of course does not mean that every child will live a damaged life. Some children are naturally more resilient than others, according to Psych Central. They may have more support or readjust to the world around them as they mature. I am lucky enough to be amongst those few. Additionally, a father and a mother is a child's first love. They are the fortress that is supposed to protect an innocent child's heart. With all the love, support, help, or counseling, there is no way to fully replace the void of their missing parent and they will forever remain with a hole in their heart.
Moreover, I'm thirty-two years old, I'm married to a wonderful man who loves me unconditionally and loves our daughter whole-heartedly. I am fortunate that I am not lacking love in anyway. I am blessed to not harbor feelings of abandonment or resentment because where my father lacked, my grandfather swooped in to pick up the pieces for my brothers and I. I am not a little girl in search for her daddy. I am stronger than that and always have been. I have fully accepted the relationship I have with my dad and can only hope he makes up for his absence in being there for Olivia. My desire in writing this is to bring attention to all the children out there experiencing a life with anguish and abandonment. To be their voice when no one is listening, to be their light when there is no light at all, and to bring awareness to the epidemic sweeping across our country. We are at an all-time high in America with drug abuse, teen pregnancies, alcohol abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse, obesity, depression, etc, etc... It all starts with us, the parents. We are paving the future for our children. I've always stressed, if they fail, we all fail. While I may be another statistic and know many people who suffer with a little case of Daddy Drama, I will not let the same fate fall onto Olivia. That cycle rests in peace with me. Period.
Life is all about choices. Not even God can change the cards that has been dealt to me, my brothers, or any other child out there. And for any child out there reading this who has ever experienced feelings of abandonment, filling your heart with anger changes who you are. It changes the type of friend you are, the type of brother or sister you will be, and most importantly, it limits you to be the best parent that you can be and in turn, inhibits your child to be the best they can be. It changes every path you take in life. You have one life. You can live in anger or make a better life for you and/or your family. Don't let past mistakes of another dictate the best future you deserve to have. Let this be the first step you take towards a better life. The cycle stops here.
Sources include:
Lifesitenews, click here.
Psych Central
US Census
All Pictures were borrowed from Pinterest.
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