Lover's Rules To Live By

 Before Brandon and I became a couple, I had 2 serious relationships.  With each relationship, I learned more about myself and the process of love.  While they didn't work out, I am thankful for the lessons learned and experiences I took away from each.
I was sixteen and in high school when I had my first real boyfriend.  My parents were on the brink of divorce and I was having too much fun with my friends to even notice.  He was the first boy that came to my house to take me out on a date:  "Hi, Mr. Graver, I'm here to pick up your daughter." Wham! My dad slams the door in his face without so much as a hello.  He was the first boy I ever felt comfortable around.  We had lots of fun and he spoiled me rotten.  Time passed and he went off to college. Time and distance grew us apart and just like that, our puppy love relationship ended.  I learned many things from my first real romance.  He taught me about love and how to love.  I learned how a woman should be treated and if a man loves you, he'll show you.  He broke down my walls and showed me it was okay to be sensitive.  Can I borrow a box of Kleenex?  I also learned, it's true what they say, long distance relationships almost never work....

Before I knew it, prince charming came riding by in his pickup truck.  A fisherman and a love for all things country, those big green eyes reeled me in.  I was smitten all over again.  A southern gentlemen whom I loved nothing more than watching and listening to him sing songs as he strummed his guitar.  He loved to talk and I loved to listen.  We were perfect for each other in every wrong way.  We were young and in love but it wasn't meant to be.  He too, taught me many things about love.  One of the most important lessons I've learned was patience.  He was extremely patient and kind.  Nothing bothered him.  I loved that about him.  That calm demeanor is an important characteristic to have in this life.  I also learned it is important to always look good for your man.  Just like women, men will window shop.  If you don't want him straying off, try and always look your best.  He also taught me the importance of family.  I loved what a tight unit his family was and continues to be.  He is that boy that will always hold a special place in my heart that only girls can understand.  I may never forget my first love but I will always remember why it didn't work.

As I've mentioned in previous posts, I was patient with falling in love with Brandon.  I gave our relationship time to grow and flourish into what it is today.  It was not love at first sight, it was a love built on friendship.  While time was on our side, friends and family were not.  We were polar opposites and grew up in two different worlds.  We were completely wrong for each other in every right way.  Brandon isn't perfect, but he was perfect for me.  One day I told, Brandon, "we aren't going to work out."  While everyone gave me a hundred reasons why it wouldn't work out, my heart gave me a hundred plus one, reasons why it would.  I missed him so much and I was angry that I was letting others dictate my happiness with another soul.  I snuck over to his house on his lunch break and waited for him.  We saw each other and I got instant tingles.  I'll never forget that hug and I haven't let go since.  I wish I could frame that moment in time.  It was magical. In that instant, I knew.  My heart was happy.  He made me happy.  I was madly, deeply, and undeniably in love with Brandon.  Obviously, the rest is history...

Brandon and I have been through a lot together and our history continues to manifest lessons for both of us, our family, and our relationship.  Some have asked over the years how we make it work and well, here are a few of our rules to live by:

Boost up your mate:  There will always be dark times on the horizon and it is during those times, we must be there for one another.  It is not the time to blame, talk negative, or bring the other one down.  We have to continue to work hard to boost each other to be the best that we can be.  It is crucial that we bring out the best in each other.

Put in the effort: Being in a marriage is a lifetime commitment.  The most important full-time job you will ever have because it will set the tone for your family.  With great effort, there are bonuses and perks.  Continue to water it like a garden as it is constantly evolving and changing and like a precious flower, you must nurture it and preserve it always.

Listen:  Not the kind of listening you hear Beyonce singing in Dream Girls the musical, but listen whole-heartedly. Eyes locked, drown out the noise other than your spouse's voice.  Him and I and nothing else.  Repeat and reassure you hear one another.

No secrets:  Obvious enough...

Always say good morning and good night:  We are the first to acknowledge each other in the morning and the last before we go to bed.  It sets the tone for a great day and gives for a peaceful night of sleep.  Don't be afraid of morning breath, it never killed anyone.

Fight fair:  I took a marriage and family counseling class in college and I actually learned a lot of beneficial techniques.  One being, to always fight fair.  It's easy to get angry and not listen to one-another.  Never call each other names and always show respect when arguing.  If that doesn't work, I get naked.  Works every time!

Eat and sleep together:  Eating together paves the way for a lot of dialogue.  For example, "Honey, your food tastes like shit."  I'm not known for being a good cook but Brandon knows I try my hardest to be Martha Stewart.  We get to reminisce about our day, vent, share stories, and Brandon will typically squeeze in a fart or two.  No matter what size bed we have slept in, we always end up right next to each other.  There is truth behind big spoon, little spoon.  It's a way to connect on a physical and emotional level.

Have fun:  Just because we got married doesn't mean we stopped having fun.  One of my favorite qualities about Brandon is that there is never a dull moment.  He always has me laughing.  We truly have a wonderful time together and enjoy each other's company.

I married my best friend:  Why are you BFF's in the first place?  I trust him completely, we have fun together and laugh uncontrollably, and I'm guaranteed a good time.  He is there to pick me up when I fall... or laugh.  He is the only one who is secretly making fun of the same person I am without even saying it.  There is no one I'd rather spend my days with. Period.

If the grass isn't green enough: GET SOME FERTILIZER!  The grass is never greener on the other side.  A marriage needs work, upkeep, and maintenance.  Don't let it turn brown.

My marriage is a fortress:  I will protect my family at all costs.  I will always maintain it, educate it, and thrive from it.  I'll never let anyone break down our walls.  We know what we have and we aren't willing to let anyone damage it.

Celebrate:  We celebrate each other, anniversaries, birthdays, and the just-because.  It's a fun and special way to show we care about one another.  The best way to celebrate each other is on days with no meaning.  They are unexpected and it adds life to a rather dull day.  Be each other's biggest fan.

PDA:  I'm the first one to cringe at the sight of teenagers swapping spit however, Brandon and I always hold hands or are locked in arms.  And yes, we are that annoying couple that sometimes holds hands in the car.


Unplug:  In a digital age, it can be difficult to unplug.  However, it is necessary to show your relationship just as much time as you show Facebook, instagram, and Pinterest.  I promise your smart phone and Ipad are not going anywhere.

Love notes:  You are never too old for a beautiful love note.  Brandon and I leave short post-it notes with quotes, messages of sweet nothings, or a simple I love you, all over the house.  They are on our front door, mirrors, even inside the refrigerator.  They mean so much to us.  It is the easiest way to express your love.


Take care of yourself:  Always try and look good for your honey.  I know he can't resist my granny-panties but some lace undies can go a long way.  That new outfit you've been eyeing, throw on some Hanky Panky's, I'm sure you'll get it.  On date nights, I always try and look good for Brandon.  Not only do I want him to be proud of who he is standing next to but I know his ego gets a little boost when another guy is checking me out.

Surround yourselves with positive role models:  I'm not talking about Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphrie.  We surround ourselves with friends that have positive relationships in family and in their spouse.  It inspires us to want to be better to each other.

I am not perfect nor is my marriage.  However, we work very hard to preserve the special bond we have and continue to nurture our family.  I still curse like a truck driver and burp every now and then.  Okay, okay, all the fucking time. Yes, I hardly ever wear makeup and my husband refuses to shave his armpits and back hair for me.  He can clear out a bar with his gas (true story) and make me laugh like no other.  No one can give me the tingles quite like him.  We continue to love each other dearly and shower our marriage with respect and love, one burp and fart at a time.

God, can you hear me now?

Have you ever questioned faith?  Is there a God?  Sometimes we experience things in our lives that make us question, does God exist?  We are brought up to believe that there is a God.  After all, many religions say so.  Yet, in a world full of dark corners and horrific deaths, it certainly makes you question, if God does exist, why do we experience some of the terrible things that we do...?
"Things happen for a reason.  It is all part of God's plan."  Is this true?  I have experienced some of the most beautiful things in life.  Things that take your breath away.  And yet, the same man who we pray to and thank for such beautiful gifts in our lives, is the same man we question, curse his name, and wonder why he puts us through the things he does.

My cousin, Casey, was a beautiful little girl.  A "vieja" at heart, she was always wise beyond her years.    She grew up in a loving home, with a mom and dad who loved her very much.  She was a teacher's dream student and tutored children.  She was that perfect girl you loved to hate because you really couldn't find anything to hate her for.  She was beautiful, kind-hearted, and intelligent.  On July 8th, 2003, at the tender age of sixteen, Casey was gone.  We would never see her again.  Was this part of God's plans?  Is she isn't in a better place?  What place could possibly be better than in the arms of her mother?

Moreover, I look at my grandfather who had a long and wonderful life.  He worked very hard to come to America and live out the dreams you read about in Mark Twain books.  He sucked up his pride and worked long hours and more than one job at a time to provide for his family.  He never thought twice about it.  He did what he had to do to make an honest living, even if it meant working three jobs at one time.  He traveled the world with Mimi, took long fishing trips in the keys, worked hard and played harder.  On February 1, surrounded by family, he took his last breath and he was gone.  My grandfather fought cancer till his body wouldn't allow it anymore.  He was doing push-ups in his hospital room till his muscles couldn't support him.  His doctor's called him a miracle because he wasn't supposed to live as long as he did.  However, he told death if he was going to go, it was going to be on his terms.  A stubborn old-man, he never listened to anyone.  No one could tell him what to do, not even God.  My grandfather planned out his entire life.  Everything he said he was going to do, he made it happen.  He demanded he didn't want to die at home so that Mimi wouldn't have that memory.  In his final hours, he was transported to a Hospice Care facility.  There we were, as a family, surrounding my grandfather, waiting... and waiting... We knew it would be a matter of time.  He couldn't talk, see, or even move, only listen.  Casey's mom walked in the room.  Someone whispered in my grandfather's ear, "Kathy is here."  My grandfather jumped up and reached for Kathy.  She hugged him tightly and asked him to look after Casey.  I knew he would.  Finally, a Chaplain walked in the room to give my grandfather a final blessing.  Again, he nearly jumped out of the hospital bed to reach for this man.  A stranger.  Someone he's never known.  Shortly after, we sat there in silence listening to his breaths grow weaker and weaker.  I laid my head down and held his hand.  I counted his heart beats till I knew he was gone.  I looked up at the nurse and shook my head in grief.  My fears were confirmed.
A couple years later, members of my family went to see John Edward. My grandfather enjoyed his show and told my aunt, "if he is the real thing, he would come through in a reading."  Sure enough, the notion of elephants came up in a reading.  John Edward said, he was with someone who died in a terrible car accident.  My grandfather and Casey were together.  He kept his promise like he always did.  Yet, I still question why God took him from me.

"The bonds of love are what connect us to the other side."  John Edward

When we call to God for advice and he doesn't answer, perhaps he is experiencing high call volume or has bad service. God, can you hear me now?  Don't give up.  Sometimes our answers can be found in other ways.  Just like tomorrow's sunrise is never promised, we will never be sure what our ocean's tide will bring.  Don't give up.

Finally, my life has many blessings.  As I look at my little blessing, curled up in her father's arms, I begin to understand the miracles of life.  The circle of life.  While I may truly never understand if God exists and if he does, what his plans are for me, I do know, I am here for a reason.  I believe I am here to serve, educate, spread love, and give love.  

Corinthians 13:13 "And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love.  But the greatest of these is love.

All pictures borrowed from Google Images.

Humbled To Pink

Olivia's cute little room.

Before a baby is born, it is labeled with pink or blue to signify it's gender.  With my pink clothes on (I was trying to convince myself it would better my chances of having a girl), including all the grandma's and great-grandma, our sonographer, labeled her picture "hamburger bun" as representation of the female anatomy.  Pause here for a quick chuckle... Moving onward, once the gender was revealed, she was already tickled in pink before my morning dash to the bathroom.  I do not miss morning sickness!  The color pink had literally thrown up on everything girly in Olivia's room before I knew it.  Okay, okay, not everything but almost everything.  The walls in her room are splashed with a soft yellow called, Peaceful Calm, turquoise accents, a crystal chandelier and white furniture, with hints of pink here and there.

Diaper changing area

A closet full of love

Moreover, my mom put together the most lavish, over-the-top, diva-licious baby shower you could ever have attended when I was pushing 8 months pregnant.  Brandon and I strolled into the Peacock Garden Cafe on the "pink carpet".  The theme was old-hollywood glam.  Instead of deep reds, there was pink everywhere.  Again, to represent our little hamburger bun.  I took a deep breath and squeezed my big belly into a faja and covered it with a white lace dress.  I managed to make my grand entrance with my hot pink pumps on, but of course, the heels only lasted about 15 minutes once I was done saying hello to everyone.  The party was a hit!  The ladies were dressed in their best hollywood attire, including over the top sunglasses, costume jewelry, and feather boas.  I don't think there was a sober body in the room. It was girls gone wild, baby shower edition, and yet, it truly was a beautiful celebration for the little life growing inside of me.

Centerpieces

Our "security" and photographer

The pink carpet

Photo Booth provided by Boothtastic

A couple of my dearest girlfriends.

Photo booth fun

More goodies.  Tia, is quite talented.

Family

My favorite co-workers! SRL

The fabulous goodies

Brunch was delicious.

Some family and friends

Your's truly.

Back at home, it took a little over an hour to unwrap all the perfectly worded gifts,  "It's a girl," "Congratulations," "Mom-to-be," typically wrapped with pink bows.  I was overwhelmed and humbled to pink!  Olivia had enough clothes to last till she was two years old, furniture, a fancy stroller, car seats, toiletries, bedding, dolls, toys, diapers, etc, etc.  Part hormones, part gratitude, I was taken back by all the love we received that day.

As Olivia quickly approaches her 8th month on this earth, we are still overly thankful for all the love that was given to Olivia.  From her birth announcement to today, we thank you.  Having a child is quite expensive and there is a gadget for every gadget.  It can send a new mom's head spinning faster than a stop sign during a hurricane.  If it wasn't for our friends and family, Olivia wouldn't have a beautiful room, a closet full of clothes, and her toy chest filled with books.  She was spoiled before she could even be called a brat.  Moreover, my thanks and gratitude are never-ending and I am reminded every day of each gift when I walk into her room.

I always say, Olivia has a room full of love because that is exactly what she received.  Many thanks always.

Tick, Tock

My husband, Brandon and I, have been together close to nine years and married almost four.  Brandon truly fills my heart with eternal love, hope, and my belly full of hearty laughs.  While we were dating, he proposed to me nearly 3 times.  I, however, was uncertain.  Not uncertain of him, but the notion of marriage. Forever? Forever is a long time...  I took my time falling in love with Brandon as he chased after me for a year.  He waited... And waited... And God bless his heart, he still waited.  I remember missing his company.  I needed to prove to myself that I needed him in my life.

Finally, we made it official.  We were going to be a couple.  It was difficult for us in the beginning as we had a lot of people against our relationship.  Friends didn't believe in us.  Relatives questioned our character and motives.  It was a short-lived battle and we won.  By the way, still winning.  We, however, believed in us.  He was my soul-mate,  the one who finishes my sentences,  and the man who manages to know the location of all the moles on my body before I knew they even existed. Years later, Brandon arranged a beautiful proposal for me.  I said, yes, and we would eventually get married.

Fast forward a few years, Brandon always wanted a big family, as did I.  Yet, I kept putting that off to.  Brandon, patiently waited.  I wanted to wait for the right time.  I wanted us to be settled into our careers, establish our finances, be prepared and ready.  I graduated from the University of Miami, as the economy began to sink faster than the Titanic.  Money was tight.  Our wallets were thirsting for money and we were racing against time.  We made it work.  We always made it work.

During all this, my grandfather was fighting his own battles.  Never to let anyone know how sick he truly was, he continued with chemo treatments and endless doctor appointments.  I never knew the severity of his cancer until I saw this once healthy, full of life, man,  turn frail, skinny, and hunched over within a short amount of time.  He was a professional at camouflaging his disease.  He never wanted pity.  He just wanted to be around long enough to see the Marlin's play in their new stadium. My grandfather always promised me he would make it to my wedding, and he did.  Unfortunately, he was too sick to attend.  He promised he'd make it to Christmas, and he did.  He never made a promise he couldn't keep.  He asked me to be the one who keeps the family together, to be the glue.  I promised I would.  Sadly, he never made it to the opening of the Marlin's stadium.

Time was ticking.  Brandon was still patiently waiting to begin and grow his own family.  Losing my grandfather took a lot out of me.  It took more than just a piece of my heart, I felt like I was losing myself.  You see, time waits on no one and it took time for me to bounce back from such a heavy loss.  I began working for Honey Shine, mentoring young girls.  It brought me back to life.  I was empowered.  It was as if my heavy heart had been lifted.  More importantly, my life felt fulfilled and full of meaning.  I had a purpose.  Whether these girls knew it or not, they saved me.  It was on more than one occasion that the girls and one of my assistant counselors, told me I would make the "best mom!"  Me, a mom?  I truly began to swallow the idea...  Time, however was still not on my side and Brandon was still waiting...

It wasn't until a trip to Walt Disney World with my family that I was ready for my own family.  I watched my niece and nephew frolic with Mickey and Minnie and wished it so much for my own unborn child.  They looked so happy.  Their parents overcome with emotions.  Grandma's eyes became watery as she watched her grandchildren explore this over-sized mouse.  In that instance, I was ready.  We were ready.  Within 2 weeks after our trip from Disney, we were pregnant with our daughter Olivia and Brandon didn't have to wait any longer.

Olivia was born on August 7, 2012.  She missed meeting her great-grandfather by a few years.  I waited so long for the timing to be right.  I robbed her of a chance to meet such a special man.  A man I know she would've had so much fun with.  This is a guilt I will always have to live with.

Time isn't always on your side.  It may never be.  The economy is still peacefully resting on the bottom of the ocean, neighboring the Titanic. Our  leather wallets have cracked from thirst.  We've seen jobs come and go.  Yet, one thing remains the same: us.  Brandon and I still have each other.  Our love is still thriving, growing with every heartbeat.  Our stomachs still hurt from laughing too much.  Our little home still stands.  Bills continue to pile as we continue to breathe and live.  Life hasn't changed.  It's a hard lesson to learn: time will always continue to tick-tock away.  Live the life you always wanted, dream the impossible, venture whole-heartedly into the unknown, do not fear it.  Things always work out.  In some stressful way or another,they always will.  Don't let time rob you of special moments.  The only criminal here, is yourself.  I committed the crime, I waited, and ultimately paid the price.

I wish Olivia would've been able to meet, Papi.  However, I smile knowing she was born into a giant family with lots of love to give to her.  In conclusion, I'm still broke, still haven't found a steady job but I still have love.  Lots of love and a big family to share it with.

Learn from my mistakes.  Don't wait.

The Pink Elephant explained

My name is Tiffany. I'm a new mom to a beautiful little girl named, Olivia Ashley. I have an obsession with all things pink (which is a color I never loved till I had my daughter), finding peace in balance, my new adventure that is motherhood, sharing stories, and elephants. I grew up in Miami, Florida where I inherited a giant family with 2 brothers, and too many cousins to keep count. My family, who established my foundation and what makes me, me, and my new family which includes my daughter, hubby, and the two cutest chihuahuas (ever). They are what is most important in my life. I can surely fill it up with "stuff" but it is the trips and special moments, that create these lasting memories and an imprint on my heart.

Where did the title, The Pink Elephant, stem from? Well, let me elaborate further: I have big plans for the name which will hopefully continue to flourish in 2013. However, Pink, represents my first born, my daughter Olivia. The color pink is often connected with the notion of romance and love. Furthermore, Olivia encompasses the gentle emotions of harmony, compassion, and friendship. It is demonstrated to be a color of good health and life. The elephant is interpreted as advice needed (if you know me, that sounds fitting), good luck, overcome obstacles, remembrance, strength, power, wisdom, and of course my late hero and grandfather. My heart and soul, my grandfather, once collected elephants. A collection I never understood until he passed away. Now the elephant has taken on new meanings for my family and I. It is a representation of him and our memories together.

I've had this blog for a few years now. It was once filled with superficial posts on make-yourself beauty products and things I loved. I always enjoyed reading other's tips and natural beauty fix-its. My life has taken a 360, however, and inherited new interests. Therefore, I've changed it's title and interests into my new quest and common interests with other mommies out there. Instead of eyeballing a girl's behind to see the latest jeans brand, I'm staring at her stroller, questioning why I got a Peg Perego vesus a Quinny. Forget the latest Tory Burch purse! I can't even imagine life without my Petunia Pickle Bottom diaper bag. I've begun craving more and more trips to Disney than some downtime in Aspen. I shop more at Whole Foods than Publix, and fill my cart with fruits, veggies, and everything Earths Best. I can't even remember how life was before Olivia came into our lives and yet, that's okay. My days may be longer but they have more meaning than they've ever known. So follow me on my journey as I explore this crazy adventure called, motherhood. We can learn together, laugh together, and play.


All pictures were taken from Pinterest.