What I Know For Sure

What I've learned in one year as a mom, is something no ivy-league college, how-to book, or professional mom could've prepared me for.  This has been the most out of this world, beautiful, patience testing, fear-facing, gruesome, best year of my existence.  The time has come, and I type this with a tear in my eye...  My daughter, Olivia, my first born, is turning ONE!

What I've learned over the course of one year:

1.  PLAN TO FAIL:  No matter how planned and ready you are for a baby, you're still not ready.  Nothing can prepare you for a child.  Sure, having a plan in place, the room decorated, a color coordinated closet with matching hangers organized by size (You know it), can and will help.  However, the "things" never seem enough, the nights are long, and the days even longer.  The journey is amazing and so is the learning experience.

2.  ENDLESS POO WITH A BANG & SPIT UP:  Sure, my daughter may have inherited the "Graver Curse" but babies are like little duckies.  They eat and poo, and when they get old enough, they eat, walk, and poo.  You never have enough diapers and it still hurts a year later to spend $50.00 dollars on a 3-week supply of diapers.  In addition, I've become a fart detective.  The little pop-pop's followed by her giggle are nothing to worry about.  It's the loud, gurgle pops of air you have to fear.  And at the end of a long day, when my child's tank is sure to be empty, she will surprise me again with a Hershey Kiss.  Along with lots of hot air and ca-ca, we have experienced our share of spit up.  We've gone through multiple different formulas and are now experimenting with cow's milk.  She spits up everything.  That expensive stroller and car seat, yeah, that was spit up on too.  My clothes, my hair, and just about everywhere in between, more spit up.  Thankfully, it's gotten better with age.

3.  LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT:  I wasn't one of these mom's that was head over heals in love with my daughter the second I saw her.  They laid her on my chest, she smiled, and nothing has ever scared me more!  It wasn't until we were alone and the excitement settled, that I fell in love and began to appreciate the little life I built.

4.  TEETHING:  The teething process has been my greatest challenge of motherhood thus far.  It's challenges come in waves as each new tooth emerges.  Teething can bring on a multitude of issues such as: fevers and cold-like symptoms, more poop, excessive drooling, irritability for mom and baby, and diaper rash from even more poop.

5.  SCHEDULE:  I was borderline coo-coo about Olivia's feeding/sleeping schedule and still kinda am.  She runs like a machine and it's very obvious when she goes off track.  I am one of these people that can't function on no sleep and I knew it would be tough in the beginning, but once I had her schedule set, it really was peace of mind.

6.  FRIENDSHIP:  Your friendships change when you begin a family like they do during all major life events.  Those important friendships that were there before Olivia was born, are still there, and they are now extended aunts and uncles to her.  However, you gain new types of friendships. I've met many new mom's and have even ventured outside of my comfort zone and done the whole play-date thing.

7.  PATIENCE:  A baby can and will test your patience.  You never really know how much patience you have until you raise a child.  I am blessed to have a very happy and well-behaved baby but during those teething waves, sometimes I feel like I got hit in the head by a 2x4.

8.  SCREAMING BABIES:  I used to cringe at the sound of a screaming baby in a restaurant or movie theater and now it's all white noise.  I'm on the other side now.  I feel every parent's pain when they just want to eat their last bite of steak in peace.  When we go out to eat we are automatically seated in what appears to be the designated baby section.  Food flying everywhere, crying and screaming, a cute, little stranger popped up behind me pulling my hair on the other side of the booth, it's all apart of life now.

9.  RELATIONSHIPS:  I can definitely see how a baby can take away from a marriage.  However, Brandon and I have really made US a priority and want to show Olivia how strong our family bond is.  While we don't have many date nights out, we do have enough alone time when the baby finally goes down for the night.

10:  THAT'S SO WEIRD:  My daughter hates blankets, sleeps with her ass in the air and her eyes wide open.  No matter how much I suction, the boogers keep coming.  She rubs a pillow on her cheek to fall asleep.  She loves purses.  She'll take everything out of a bag and then put it all back in.  I can only dream that it is a trait of a master organizer.  My daughter's head circumference is above average in size.  Clearly, she has a big brain and it's not just a Gibson head, duh!  Shockingly, between all the hair I've lost post-pregnancy and the hair Olivia always pulls out, I still have hair.  Nothing hurts more than a 4-tooth baby bite.  She loves to dance and has more rhythm than most.  Finally, she is a clone of my husband with a Graver personality.  Genes are powerful, folks, so pick em' wisely!

11.  WHAT I MISS THE MOST:  Sleeping-in.  I SO miss sleeping till late in the afternoon.  Those who personally know me, know I love and value my sleep.  I am thankful Olivia sleeps till 8:00 but some days even that is too early.  Running into the store no longer takes 5 minutes.  I have to pack the baby bag, pack her into the car, unpack it all once I arrived at my destination, of course I have to change another diaper somewhere in there, feed her, and before I know it, my trip to pick up some bread took 2 hours and $100 dollars.

12.  MY DAUGHTER, THE SPONGE:  She is always watching.  She mimics my every move, attempts to say what I'm saying, and follows me around everywhere.  My little shadow is a quick learner and tries her hardest to do the grown-up stuff.  That being said, I am her role model and I really have had to change some of the things I do so that I can lead by example.

13.  MY MUSE:  My daughter has inspired me on so many levels, including being HER mom of the year.  I want to design toys, write children's books, create bows and headbands, etc., all to make her future a lot brighter.  More importantly, she inspired The Pink Elephant.

14.  PARENTING 101:  I have days when I feel nothing is good enough.  I have moments when I feel I am failing.  There are times when my smiles aren't so big and angry words come to mind easily.  I question why I have a pouch that makes me look three months pregnant when Olivia came out of me a year ago. Sometimes I just want to cuddle my daughter, not the pressures of motherhood.  Some days I am so tired, the thought alone of changing another diaper is exhausting.  All in all, it's a journey.  I may never get it right and that's okay.  One thing I know for sure, we are doing the best we can.  We may not have a lot of stuff, but she sure has a lot of love.  Her home is filled with laughter.  Her daddy provides her with a home and things she won't remember 10 years from now.  However, she will grow up remembering all the love, hugs, patience, listening, and the fun memories and traditions that she will one day pass on to her children.

15.  MY ANGEL, MY BEST FRIEND:  Sure, we all think our children our blessings, angel's in disguise, the cutest.  Some  may even find they are spawn's of the devil.  Nevertheless, Olivia has a special heart that only those who have been in contact with her can understand.  Let me stress, Olivia is not perfect.  She has her moments and sometimes I just want to crawl under the bed and hide so I can be alone in silence for thirty seconds, but she is a very sweet baby.  Complete strangers have told me, "she has a beautiful soul."  At first, I think to myself, why are you reading her soul. However, she'll stroke someone's cheek, give a hug, a giggle, or a big toothy grin and people just light up.  I've been told, "she just makes me feel better," and, "she is special."  I know I may sound like a wack-a-doodle but Olivia really brings peace happiness to those around her.  She sure brings happiness to her parents, this I know for sure.

Finally, I've learned a million and one things over the course of this year.  There is not enough time in the day to list them all.  I've discovered a love greater than anything I've ever known.  A love so large, only parents can truly grasp this feeling.  To my sweet, little, Olivia, who is turning one today, you've made me so proud and I love watching you grow.  You never cease to amaze me.  You've managed to make time stand still even though my days come and go as quickly as they started.  You are tough and braver than you know.  I love your tenacity.  You are strong and I know you are destined to conquer this world and do great things.  Wrap wings around your heart and let it soar freely, for that beautiful heart has the ability to make anyones day a little brighter.  From Mama to Mommy, and Mom to Best Friend, I am so proud and blessed to call you my daughter.

Happy first birthday, Olivia.  Wishing you a happy life with love, health, endless education, vast journeys, and bright tomorrow's.  I love you more today than yesterday, and my love for you continues to grow with every tomorrow, this I know for sure.

Love Always,

Mama

The Underdog Is Ready For School

Have you ever heard of a little village in New York called Fort Plain?  Yeah, me either.  It's a typical small town with hard working Americans, true underdogs, that boasts mom and pop shops and of course a super Walmart. It inhabits nearly 3000 people where the average family makes less than $30,000 a year.  I know we are all excited to see what baby North is going to look like, however our country has suffered a terrible catastrophe that no news stations are reporting, other than it's own.  

After coming from Cuba, my grandparents, along with my mom and aunt, moved to Fort Plain to begin their own American dream.  They lived in a small, muted-green house, adjacent from a running creek.  My mom has told me many times, it was the happiest my grandfather had ever been.  It will always hold a special place in her heart; a proud Fort Plain native.  She has been devastated since learning about the massive flooding which has occurred in this small town.  You see, that same creek that ran across from my mom's childhood home, has overflowed due to severe weather and literally wiped out the town.  Many homes are no longer inhabitable and some have up to 7 feet of water!  87 businesses including, newsstands, ice cream shops, convenience stores, retail shops, and much more have closed.  Financial aid is scarce and local owners would have to come out of pocket to keep their business afloat... literally.  Let's be honest, who has extra money lying around these days in case a flood hits?  Sadly, these 87+ businesses will probably close indefinitely.  (Source: The Business Review)

When my mom learned of the devastating news that occurred in her childhood town, she immediately put on her Super Mom cape and reported for duty.  She contacted the principle at her old elementary school, Harry Hoag Elementary.  As she is telling me this story, she is showing me clippings from the town newspaper of her in the library and continues to describe all the wonderful memories she had while attending Harry Hoag Elementary.  I learned my mom was a "ham" even at an early age.  More importantly, I was really proud my mom wanted to help the children of her old town.  I think being a grandma has really brought out her sensitive side, however I love the humanitarian side even more.  Not that she needed another excuse, but she sprang over to Target and purchased all the cool school supplies any child would love to have on their first day of school: Backpacks, pencils and pens, erasers, folders, lined paper, crayons, pencil holders, etc.  In mama-Graver fashion, these kids won't be receiving ordinary #2 pencils or single color Jansport backpacks.  They will be going back to school in style even if its with mud on their shoes.  The pencil holders are a trendy color and so are the flashy pencils. The backpacks are styled with glittery butterflies, Minnie Mouse, and Spider Man.  They can't be ordinary crayons, they have to be Crayola.  Anything else would just break and nothing is more frustrating than coloring and your crayon breaks to ruin your "within the line" streak.  You know how I feel right?  Moreover, she organized each bag with everything a child would need on their first day back to school.  Not only will it bring a child a smile, it will bring their parent's some relief.

Finally, we know how it feels to survive devastation and at the same time lose everything.  Perhaps, this is my mom's way of making not only the children, but the parent's a little happier for a brief moment.  To forget how ugly it may look outside, and remember how beautiful it can and will be again.  To provide a glimmer of hope in a sparkly new backpack.  I hope this story brings peace to those in Fort Plain, knowing that at least those children will be going back to school with all their supplies and more.
My focus for writing this, was to bring awareness and attention to a town that not many of us knew existed and to bring a glimmer of hope to the under dogs of Fort Plain.  Stay strong!

If you would like information on how you can help the victims of the flood in Fort Plain, please message me on our Facebook page, here.


Sources include:

The Business Review

Wikipedia

What I really meant to say...

"Say what you want to say.   Let the words fall out.  I want to see you be brave." Sara Bareillies

How many times have you left your words unsaid only to find out it's too late?  When was the last time you failed to tell someone how you truly felt, only to find out they were too far gone?  How often do we go through life wishing we had made our voices heard?  When the echo of someones words continue to cut like a knife, don't you wish you had let your true feelings be heard?  That moment in your life, when your one true love walks out the door, only to find yourself still holding on...

What I really meant to say is, why is it so difficult to be honest and say things we meant to say before it's too late?  Why do we bite our tongue?  And yet, lesson after life lesson, we still do it...  

Growing up, I was always the shy girl. I kept to myself and some would probably say I was somewhat of an introvert.  Before you start thinking I had a lip piercing, tattoos, dyed black hair, pale skin, and too much eye liner on, you're wrong.  I was and still am, just your average girl next door.  I just had trouble expressing myself.  I kept all feelings whether it be good, bad, sad, or mean, for the most part, to myself.  In fact, when it came to showing affection, expressing love, or sadness (happy and sad tears), I was always embarrassed to show my feelings.  My family wasn't overly affectionate and we never really said, "I love you."  It wasn't because we didn't mean it or think it, it just wasn't often expressed.  Oddly enough, my father is extremely sensitive.   He cries in most movies and is the type to probably cry during the American Idol finale, and now you know where I get it from.  Moreover, I remember anytime I would cry, my grandfather would always demand I stop.  He'd say, "big girls don't cry" or "I don't like to see you cry," where I would immediately suck it up.  It really wasn't until my first boyfriend, who really broke down my walls and showed me it was okay to have feelings and/or emotions.  To be honest, I really haven't stopped crying since.  All those years of holding in my tears are making up for lost time.  Don't get me started on pregnancy emotions!  I would cry at the sight of a flower.  Oy vey!

During my grandfather's final months, I would sadly avoid him because I didn't want him to see me cry.  I literally could not be in his presence without crying.  I wanted nothing more than to be with him but the pain was too much.  I wasn't used to the man he now was.  I would lie and say I had to work or make up some petty excuse.  I didn't want to make him cry because during those final days, instead of him yelling at me to stop crying, he would ask me to stop because he didn't want to cry.  Truth be told, I never once saw my grandfather cry.  Not one time, ever!  Those few months left, quickly became a couple weeks.  My grandfather decided he did not want to continue the way he was living so he gave up all his treatments and went home.  His doctor said he probably wouldn't live more than a week, and he didn't.   That final week, I went to the house almost everyday.  Sometimes I couldn't even make it past the front door.  It was hard to see such a strong man become so fragile, so quickly.  He was the type of man who was still doing push ups in his hospital room until he physically could no longer do it.  We got that final phone call where it was time to say our goodbyes.  I messaged my brother and asked him to tell me the truth, "Was it time?"  I'll never forget what he said to me, "Tomorrow's never promised."  And just like that, we got up and went to say our goodbyes.  My grandfather made a promise to my grandmother that he would not die at home.  He did not want her to ever have that memory.  When the nurse told us it was time for him to be transported to a hospice facility we all had our time to whisper a little something to him.  Before I walked in the room, I was at a loss for words.  My grandfather laid there so frail and still, like he was already gone.  He reached as much as much as he could to me when I walked in and someone whispered I was there.  He couldn't speak or hardly move.  It was even in that moment, I couldn't get my words out.  I had so much I wanted to say, needed to say, yearned to say and I couldn't muster a proper sentence.  I told him, "I love you more than you will ever know.  Thank you for everything.  I wouldn't be where I was today if it weren't for you."  There was so much more I wanted to say... but couldn't.  Brandon took my place and promised Pop that he would take care of me and never to worry.  I had to leave the room, I didn't want him to hear me cry because at that point it was the kind of cry you can't keep quiet.  Finally, Papi was transported to a hospice care facility where he later died.  Sadly, I left many things unsaid. About 30 minutes after he passed, I laid next to him, smelling him, holding him, feeling him.  I stopped crying and was at total peace.  I began to tell him everything I always wanted to and proceeded to do that for a good ten minutes.  Will he ever truly know what I had to say?  I don't know, that one is up to the believers out there.  What I really meant to say is, it's best to tell those how you feel in the present so when it comes down to it, they already know.

Life passes so quickly.  Take chances.  Be brave.   Give in.  Be honest.  Don't settle.  Tell someone how you feel, good or bad, you both will appreciate it in the end.  Don't hold back.  Ignore fear.  It's okay to have feelings.  It's okay to cry.  Tell that person you love, make them feel it.  Show that person they hurt you and let them know why.  Open up to a stranger.  Be truthful in your voice and never hide it's honesty.  As the clock's hand passes 12 again, don't let another minute go by that you didn't express your feelings because sometimes it's too late.  With each passing day, we are given a second chance to let everyone know how we feel.  Some of us have difficulty expressing ourselves.  I am no exception.  However, you improvise, you find ways.  I have taken my poor grammar skills to the WWW to express myself.  What I really meant to say is, don't hold back because "tomorrow is never promised."

I love you all, my Pink Elephant friends!  :)


                                     

All pictures were borrowed from Google.

Fit Mama Under Construction

Ask and you shall receive...   Advice and a little 411, that is.  I have gotten quite a few messages lately about what I've been doing, eating, etc., since I started this journey of getting in the best shape of my life since Olivia was born.  Bringing another life into the world made me more conscious and aware of the food choices I make and how I should make my health a priority.  Bottom line, I want to live a long life to watch Olivia and my future children do incredible things in this world.  I don't want to miss anything!  I want to be able to run around and play duck, duck, goose without wheezing.  I want my daughter to be proud of her mama.  I am her biggest role model and if I don't want her to be swayed by a fast-food obsessed culture, than I need to be her best form of advertisement.  WE need to be her best example.

Before I began my fitness journey in March, 2013 at 154 pounds.  Sure, this picture is uber embarrassing but it reminds me where I don't want to go back to :)

Almost 3 months into my journey at 137.

My goal.  I am a visual person.  This was me way before I got pregnant.  This picture reminds me of where I want to be.

WHAT I EAT:
I am one GIANT, spoiled, brat!  Since winning the Mommy Makeover contest through U&ME magazine,  I have been eating freshly prepared and portioned foods, that are delivered right to my door, thanks to Fit2Go.  It has been the biggest blessing.  To be honest, I don't know what I'm going to do with myself once I have to start cooking again.  As if my cooking wasn't bad enough, imagine after I've been on a Martha Stewart hiatus.  
I only eat healthy carbs, lots of veggies, lean proteins, a ton of water.  I love everything organic just as much as the next person but I am realistic and I know it's not always possible.  However, I do eat a lot of real foods.  I avoid, fried, processed foods, dairy, alcohol, and soy.  Again, I know it's not always possible to avoid everything but I do my best whenever I can.

COUCH POTATO TURNED GYM RAT:
I don't know when this happened, but I have become a gym rat.  I hated to exercise, let alone, sweat.  Suddenly, I am craving that endorphin high.  I look forward to my workouts.  It is my couple hours to myself, to sweat and have fun.  I also get to hang with my hubby a little bit more (he manages the gym I go to).

Average calories burned during one of my Zumba classes

I do Zumba 3 days a week and strength training/core workouts 2 days a week. This is where the spoiled brat thing comes in again.  Through the contest, the owner and our trainer at Belly -N- Kicks has given us a workout plan to follow.  They have a beautiful studio and are very knowledgeable about nutrition and pre and post pregnancy fitness.  However, I am a total Zumba junkie.  This girl with no rhythm or coordination has managed to find something so fun that it keeps me coming back 3 days a week for more.  It's fast, fun, and a fabulous workout.  In addition, now that Olivia has gone mobile, I'm always chasing after her and that in itself, is a workout.

THINGS I'VE LEARNED ALONG THE WAY:

• It's essential to find a gym buddy, a teammate, to keep each other accountable and motivated. Thanks, to my hubby, sister, Emily, Sarah, my Zumba groupies, Diana, and the #Fucktheplateau group, and everyone else who keeps me motivated along the way 
• If you hate working out like me, it's important to find something you love and have fun with so it keeps you coming back. Kinda like a new boyfriend haha...
• You need a great pair of sneakers.  
• Get a heart rate monitor.  My husband got me a Polar FT4 for all the hard work I've done and to keep me motivated.  It lets me know when I'm burning the most calories and how many calories I've burned, the exercise duration, and much more.  
• Eat organic whenever you can.  Not only is it better for you but the food just tastes so much better.
• Up your veggie intake and eat them raw as much as possible.  When cooking them at certain temperatures it destroys it's nutrients (the main reason for eating them in the first place).
• Drink more water.
• Butter is not evil.  We like KerryGold. Thanks for the referral, Shannon.
• Coconut oil is your BFF and it can be used for flipping everything!
• Soy is not as beneficial as they say.  It is used in pretty much everything because it's cheap.  Red meat contains the highest content of protein, soy has the least.  The body also digests it extremely fast.  Therefore, when you eat soy, it is broken down so fast that you still have to supplement your protein.  Soy is just not enough.  It also spikes your estrogen levels which may increase water retention.
• Avoid dairy when you can.  Try dairy substitutes such as Almond Milk or almond cheese.
• Not all fats are bad.  However, fat is fat, so don't overdue it.
• Eat your super foods!
• Drink lots of water and then have some more ;)
• I take a multi-vitamin, a multi B-vitamin, calcium with magnesium, and fish oil
• Educate yourself on food substitutions: almond flour, apple sauce, Greek yogurt just to name a few.
• Stretch... A LOT!
• The more ripe the fruit, the more sugar.
• I stopped saying, "I'll start on Monday."  I had to just start and I started on a Wednesday.  
• Be organized. Set a goal with a plan and stick with it.  There are several online tools to help keep you on track and maintain your progress.  I use My Fitness Pal on my cell phone (thanks Buck).
• There are no tricks, miracle shakes, or diets.  Get off your ass, watch what you eat, and get moving.  If you don't like what you see, do something about it.  I had to stop whining and just do it.

I've been on this eating right/working out journey for a couple months now.  I love the changes and progress I'm making so far.  Will it get rid of the battle scars on my hips that I acquired while pregnant? Probably not but that's nothing a little Bio Oil can't fix.  Will I ever have a six-pack?  Nope.  Never have and probably never will.  I want to be healthy, look good, and feel good.  I want to increase my energy and stamina.  I want to feel confident with the equipment in the gym and get used to one right foot and one left foot, not just two left feet in Zumba.  What I know for sure is, I'm a fit mama under construction and one step closer to my health and fitness goals than I was yesterday.

Have fun, eat right, and live a long happy life. 

Gratitude

I started this little blog with the intention of releasing my inner voice. Since Olivia was born,  its been a struggle finding balance between family, friends, and me-time.  However, never in a million years, did I expect to receive the kind words I receive from loyal readers like YOU. Your messages, pictures, and stories are always appreciated and most importantly, inspiring.  As some of you know, I have a Facebook page to keep you immediately informed of any updates on the Pink Elephant blog, along with your daily dose of inspiration.  

To my surprise, 71 friends from around the globe have joined this Facebook page. Near and very afar, friends and strangers have joined together in this little community called the Pink Elephant and I couldn't be more thrilled to have you along for this journey.  Let's see where it continues to take us.  

For now, thank you for your continued support, your beautiful messages, your likes, continually sharing my page, and thank you for the love.  My dream is to continue writing thought-provoking and relatable stories that touch and inspire the heart.  Your hearts.






Thank you, friends. Have a beautiful day. Tiffany






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Pictures were borrowed from Google.

Happily Ever After Continues

Warning:  Turn back now if your squeamish to a little love story!

My husband and I have been together now pushing 10 years and married 4 years today.  I never get tired of calling him my husband, my partner in love and life,  or my best friend.  I like to think I am his better half, however (wink, wink).  Most marriages don't last as long as our relationship has and I can honestly say, I love him more today than I did yesterday or years past.

Brandon was the loud, funny, and the oh-so-charming popular boy in school.  I was the quiet girl in the back of the classroom, just another face lost in a sea of a thousand students.  He surely didn't know who I was but everyone knew who he was.  He was into fast cars, girls, and car clubs.  I was into Luke Perry,  my little group of friends, and whatever else went on within the 4-walls of my room.  I remember his cool demeanor, wild hair, and facial hair to immature to fill-in.  With a beeper hooked by a chain to his baggy pants, never would I have imagined this boy to be my husband years later.

Fast forward: We were at a mutual friend's house when Brandon and I met for the first time.  Like a scene out of Romeo and Juliet, Brandon got a glimpse of his future bride for the first time and looking down off the balcony was little ol' me.  O Tiffany, Tiffany!  Wherefore art thou Tiffany?  Not exactly how it went yet... He asked his friend who I was and who I was with...?  He responded, "She will one day be my girlfriend."  True story.  Years later and as love, fate, and timing would have it, Brandon and I eventually became a couple.

I took my time falling in love with Brandon, as I've mentioned in previous posts.  It was gradual for me.  Brandon was ready to propose after a few months... and he did.  To my shock and awe, I ran into the bathroom.  I felt sick.  Looked in the mirror and evaluated the situation...  I wasn't ready!  "I love you, Brandon.  I really do.  It's not that I don't want to marry you, I'm just not ready for that yet.  We haven't even gotten into a fight!"  With sad puppy-dog eyes, I think he understood.  The scene of us riding off into the sunset with little blue birds holding a sign that read "And they lived happily ever after" was put on hold.  Yet, just like that, our fairy tale love continued, each phase in our lives together, a new chapter.

Brandon and I got married in Aspen, Colorado, where we exchanged our vows at the base of the Maroon Bells peak.  Amongst scenery so beautiful it would take your breath away, our family, and closest friends, we said, "I do."  We danced the night away, toasted to our new life as husband and wife, and shared many everlasting memories together.  Now as our little family grows, so does my love for my hubby, Brandon.

I knew you and I would be together forever the instant things got serious for us.  The moment you broke threw my walls and caved any of my doubts.  You came into my heart like a love I've never known.  I could feel it!  It wasn't just the tingles or butterflies, it was the pain you feel when you truly love someone.  Like Columbus discovered America, you've managed to find every mole on my body.  Many I didn't even know existed.  You get a thrill out of discovering all my new gray hairs or the one pesky black hair that pops up out of my old-lady chin.  You share my thoughts, dreams, and passions.  You are there to listen and talk, well, lots of talking.  You are there to make me laugh even when I'm annoyed with you.  You are there to put a roof over our head and food in our bellies.  I love our lazy days on the couch during a wild rain storm.  I love how you love me, my family, your family, and our family.  I love seeing that twinkle in your eye when you look at Olivia.  I love how all our problems disappear when we are in each other's arms.  I love how safe you make me feel.  I love your willingness to help a stranger, to make someone's day a little brighter.  I love your aspirations, goals, and drive.  I love how hard you work for your family. I love your desire to help needy children and the elderly. I love you more than words could ever fully describe.  Simply put, I love you.


Don't get me wrong, friends.  Brandon and I have had are ups and downs.  Marriage is work and we continue to work through them.  There was a time during our first year of marriage where I didn't know if I could continue on.  I truly was ready to throw in the towel.  We both had to learn to adapt to our new partner because when you move in with someone,  it really is like starting a new relationship.  For instance,  Brandon has to be the messiest man I have ever known.  No matter which room I go into, there is a sock full of holes in it.  Cole Haan: the special holes addition.  He hasn't quite mastered putting his dirty clothes in the hamper and therefore, Marley has bravely chewed his way through all of his socks.  He is like a tornado, I know where he's been because he'll always leave his mark.  Poor guy, however.  He married a nut.  He didn't know how big of a nut until he bit in and damn near broke a tooth.  Our closet is color coordinated by style of shirt and pants.  My grocery carts are organized like a Tetris game.  Cold foods have to stick together of course.  Everything about me is organized.  Well, almost everything.  Yet, we managed to find some sort of balance and still love each other without killing one another.  Moreover, he loves to cook. My best dish, is a bowl of kashi cereal.  He loves me anyways.  Some days, his gas smells like an animal crawled in his stomach and died.  I love him anyways.  I burp like a man.  He still loves me and miraculously finds me sexy.  He snores like freight train.  I hog all the covers and the bed.  Yet, we still cuddle throughout the night.  I hate his rap music but he loves my dancing to it.  He prays at night.  I talk like a sailor.  Through thick and thin, stinky smog, crude language, socks and open drawers, music that gives me anxiety, snoring, and man-burps, we still love to love each other.

Finally, I am very fortunate to have a bond with my husband that some may never learn to know.  People always told me, "Your relationship changes after you have kids."  They weren't lying.  Our relationship has changed, we are no exception.  However, their undertones were negative.  This is one lie I was told and will expose. Our relationship has changed for the better.  Our family has become a little fortress, that nothing can harm.  We were always in love, but Olivia has brought out another love in us, towards each other.   It's respect, admiration, appreciation, gratitude, and special kind of love only we know.   It's the love in our hugs.  It's the feeling in our touch.  It's the electric spark in our kisses.  It's a look that only we can understand.  It's time growing together and learning from each other.  It's our love.

As we ride off into the sunset on this journey called life, the little blue birds hold up our signs saying, "Happily Ever After Continues..."

Happy 4th Wedding anniversary, my love!

Wedding photos were taken by Stephen Maloman.