The Journey is Just Beginning

My "Mommy Lifestyle Makeover" has come to an end and unfortunately a little sooner than expected due to our loss.  It has been a life changing, eye-opening, and a knowledge-enhancing 6 months thanks to U&Me Magazine.  

The three other mommies and I gained vast knowledge on nutrition, fitness, and overall health.  We attended weekly boot camp classes with Alison Hay, monthly weigh-in's at Belly-n-Kicks, and a lifetime of friendship and personal gratification.  It brought me such joy to watch each girl transform each month in weight-loss, strength, and confidence.  Each month clothes looked a little looser, we were standing a little straighter (no more invisible crown falling off), and smiles got a lot bigger.  In the end, our goals were different, yet the personal achievements were the same - WE DID IT!  Be sure to pick up a copy of U& Me Magazine to read about our featured article detailing our Lifestyle Makeover.  

                                                         Our journey through the end:

Before

Goofing around.  "Before"

The mommies and I

 

The journey concluded with a first year anniversary party and fashion show at Bloomingdales - Our BIG reveal!  Unfortunately, I was unable to attend due to my recovery time from surgery that took place the day before.  Terrible, God-awful timing, I KNOW!  While the makeover has come to an end, the real journey is just beginning.  I now have the tools needed to continue my fitness journey and pickup from where I left off when I got pregnant.  It's going to be tough because I have to start cooking again and learning to portion my food.  Fit2go, I will miss you terribly!

This entire experience has been life changing.  I really needed this kick in the ass!  It has been a blast inching closer to my goals each week and watching the other girls do the same.  While I'm sad about the events that my family has gone through recently, I'm ready to jump back into the game.  I think it will be really good for my mental health too.  Thank you, Alison Hay, Erika Boom, Gladys and Mauricio from U&Me, for giving me the chance to be a part of this experience.  Erica, Martha, and Nicole thank you for your continued support and encouragement and I hope we can continue to motivate each other.

11 Weeks Too Soon

I write this with tear-filled eyes. A story I decided to share, not out of pity, but out of love and respect for my child.  It saddens me to be a statistic I never dreamed I'd ever be apart of.  However, it is an all too common reality I now share with many women around the globe.

It was a routine checkup, I was headed to the Dr. for my First Trimester screening. A screening I was very much looking forward to. I get to see my little chickpea dance around in my tummy, check up on his/her new developments, and awe over the little miracle growing inside of me.  The Dr. danced the fetal doppler around my tummy for about 15 minutes trying to find a heart beat. He was so calm and said not to worry because being so early in the pregnancy, a heartbeat can be hard to detect. For reassurance, he ordered for me to get an ultrasound. It was in that room, my world changed forever. As the tech moved the wand in a sea of warm jelly, the ultrasound revealed a lifeless baby. No movement. No heartbeat. My child was gone at 11 weeks. She looked at me and said, "Honey, I'm so, so sorry." I didn't even hear her, my eyes were focused on the screen. A part of me believed she would start moving again. The silence from the flat line will haunt me forever. "There's no heart beat." She was immediately hugging me.  She left the room to get the doctor and I immediately broke down. This can't be happening, I thought.  There has to be a mistake. An explanation. I need something...
With my head down, masking my tears, I walked what felt like an eternity, down the hall to meet the doctor while surrounded by happy, mothers-to-be.  Why is this happening to me, I pondered.

My nurse walks in, hugs me tightly, and said some comforting words. I felt her getting emotional so she left the room swiftly. The doctor follows in immediately after, hugged me and apologized. He too was in shock and disbelief. I said, "I didn't understand! Olivia was a flawless pregnancy. I'm healthier now than I was before. I do everything right!" I was trying to make sense of something that didn't make any sense at all.  My doctor very sweetly told me, I wasn't alone and it is very common.  Not totally common this far into the pregnancy but not uncommon.  As many as 1 in 3 women will miscarry.  I just never thought it would happen to me. To our surprise, the baby had been deceased almost a week already and the dr. gave me my options on what to do.  One of my options was to go the natural route, and let nature take its course. The thought of seeing my dead baby was traumatizing enough.  What would I do, just sit on the toilet and wait for her to fall out? What if I was alone? What would I do with her little body?  I decided to schedule a DNC immediately and he kindly moved around other surgeries to accommodate me.  It scared me to know I had a dead baby inside of me and I didn't want to wait any longer than I had to.  I sat alone in the waiting room, leaning my head on the wall, waiting for my surgery to be scheduled. I listened to a very loud and healthy heart beat beating loudly in the room next to me.  In that instant, the real reality of our loss sunk in.  Thank God, my mom walked in not knowing all that had just happened.  Mother's intuition I guess.  My face said it all.  I had to make that long drive home, one hand on the wheel, the other on my tummy.  I kept thinking, just move.  A flutter.  A sensation. Anything!  Silence...  I told Brandon all the devastating news and he was so brave.  He remained so strong and positive as I cried in his arms.

I held my stomach all night, waiting for something... still nothing.  That morning we drove to South Miami Hospital where I was scheduled to have my baby removed.  I was scared and overcome with emotions.  I still can't believe this was happening to me.  To us.  To our little family.  I asked all the nurses and doctors to take good care of me, gave everyone hugs, waived goodbye, and was headed down a bright, long hallway to the operating room.  It was lights out from there... The procedure took less than 20 minutes.  As I was being wheeled out of the hospital,  I couldn't help but feel such emptiness in my arms.  I reminisced about that moment I was leaving the hospital with Olivia in my arms for the first time.  I continued to have flashbacks of my baby on the monitor, the silence.  Strangely, in between all those emotions, I would think, what would we name our child, boy or girl, how he or she would feel and smell, and continue to feel my stomach as if it was still there and existed.

In the last 24 hours, I've lost what would have been my second child at 11 weeks young and had her/his body removed from mine.  I'm recovering fine and beginning to face the emotional challenges that come with a miscarriage. I'm not going to sugar coat things,  I'm completely devastated and heartbroken.  I have a hole in my heart that is constantly burning and reminding me of what just happened.  May 28, 2014 will come and go but I will cherish our short time together always. Yet, as always when I find the time to write my blog posts, I'm watching Olivia nap next to me.  Her tummy breathing in and out.  Her eyelashes flutter away as she dreams.  Her little hairs dancing from the draft of the fan.  Listening to her breath bounce off the pillow.  I'm so thankful for this little angel lying next to me.  I know she will one day make a wonderful and very bossy big sister; just not this time around.  I am thankful for those people who came to the hospital (to keep those in the waiting room distracted) and those visits to our home.  Thank you for the phone calls, the ear, the tissues, prepared meals, the hugs, text messages, and kind words and gestures.  I hear all of it loud and clear and will never forget them.  Thank you for the flowers.  Thank you for helping clean up the house after Tornado Olivia and Hurricane Brandon.  Those late night cinnamon buns never smelled sweeter.  Thank you for everything.

Most importantly, to my child I never got to physically hold, I'm thankful for our short time together.  I may never know or understand the reasoning why you left us so soon, however it brings me peace knowing your young soul is being taken care of by a special man above.

While this is a very difficult time for Brandon and I, I just want to share some happy and special moments when we found out we were expecting baby #2.

Someone To Love

Love comes in all shapes, colors, and sizes.  I have love for things like my jewelry.  I show love for my Alma Mater, the University of Miami.  I have discovered a love for exercise, Zumba (more of an obsession).  I fell in love with my husband, Brandon, and that continues to grow daily.  I learned about a love bigger than anything I have ever known, my daughter, Olivia.  I have fallen out of love and  I learned I need to be loved.  Love is a thought, a feeling, an expression.  It is timeless.  It is epic.  It will take your breath away and sometimes break your heart.  Love is something we all deserve... even the forgotten ones.



My husband and I have a photography business, Smith Photography, and most recently, we were asked to shoot an event for Our Kids.  The Heroes for Our Kids 2013, held at the Miami Children's Museum, was celebrating foster and adoptive parents, and community members who have made significant differences in the lives of children across Miami-Dade.  The event drew a large crowd of over 500 guests.  I have never witnessed more love in one room, than I had that day.  Kids were running around learning and discovering new adventures across the museum.  Mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, only-children, staff, and volunteers ALL had smiles on their faces.  I never saw a child get scolded by their parent's.  No parents were slumped over on a bench.  Parents were smiling, engaging, laughing, and photographing their children having fun.  Parents wanted to participate in the activities with their kids.  It was a day to celebrate.  Everyone under that roof, had found someone to love.

Later that day, community leaders, children, teens, and families gathered for the award ceremony, eager to learn about the nominees and winner.  William Presswood, a foster-parent, a true hero in my eyes, took home the title of Foster/Adoptive Parent of the Year.  "Mr. Presswood takes in hard to place youth.  These teen boys face challenges such as run-aways, aggressive personalities, substance abuse, among others.  He gives these boys vacations, is heavily involved in their education, transports them to and from medical appointments, and outings.  His son, Edwin, was seventeen when Mr. Presswood asked for permission to adopt him.  His son said it was the day he felt his life began."  (Our Kids website).   Mr. Presswood, including all the nominees, left a lasting impact on all the families, including Brandon and I; there wasn't a dry eye in that room.  We were all strangers to each other, yet each family shared a common bond, a love they had found in a child.

Awards

Mr. Presswood receiving his award and a lot of love from his son.

A call to God, fertility issues, or a big heart, whatever the reasons may be, these parents took the leap of faith, and invited a new family member in.  Some temporarily, and some indefinitely.  The love between a parent and an adoptive child is indescribable: Its appreciation, love, admiration, thankfulness... it's a true hero.  While I may not know the true depth and meaning of what it feels to be an adoptive or foster parent, I do know it is in my future.  I was beyond honored to capture the love that filled the museum that day.  I will never know what it truly feels like to be an adoptive child, however it speaks volumes about the parent.  My eyes have been opened and I have learned, love can come from anyone and anywhere if we open our hearts to a child in need.  

To learn more about adoption/fostering a child, or volunteer opportunities, I invite you to visit the Our Kids website.

This is Jack's Story

My friend, Krysia and her husband Sean, share an all too familar story that a lot of couples unfortunately have to face.  I want to thank Krysia for pouring her heart out so publically and I hope this brings her strength knowing she will be providing so many people with hope.  She is our guest blogger today and this is their story.  To follow more of Krysia's story, you can read her blog, here.



My husband, Sean, and I got married in January of 2008. After being married for a year, we decided it was time to start trying to have a family. At first, it went the same as a lot of couples. First, we said, when it happens, it will happen. But we didn't get pregnant. I began ovulation research. Then I started to follow my cycles very strictly. But still, we didn't get pregnant and I saw negative sign after negative sign and spent lots of money on pregnancy tests.  We finally went to a reproductive therapist, Dr. Thompson, and went through every test imaginable. We were considered infertile because we were not able to get pregnant for over a year. When I heard that damn word, "infertile", I felt like my life was over. I was so scared that we would never be able to have a baby. Calmly, Dr. Thompson recommended a few rounds of insemination. She said that since we did not have any serious fertility issues, it should work. So I had hope after all. Insemination is definitely not the most romantic way of trying to conceive a child. However, Sean and I wanted to try whatever we could. We did

two rounds of insemination and no luck. The negative signs on those stupid sticks kept appearing. IVF (in vitro fertilization) was our next logical step, but we could not afford such an expensive treatment.

In 2010, two of my best friends and I went to an infertility expo. I thought it would be a good thing to go to in order to learn more, meet people going through infertility, and be around people who were dealing with the same issue as I was. Also, they were doing a raffle to win a free IVF with Dr. Thompson's office,
so we thought, why not?! Both my friends and I put our names in the raffle. They told us IF we win, they would contact us later if we are not there when they did the drawing. In no way did I ever think that we
would win, so after walking around for a bit we left.  Later that day, as I was at Starbucks, my friend Caroline called me. Her name was pulled at the raffle! She won the IVF!!! And of course, she gave it to me! I couldn't believe it. We hit the jackpot. Sean and I would have a $10,000 (at least) procedure done for free!!! So after the what felt like UNENDING injections and preparations, Sean and I went through IVF in January of 2011. It was quite a stressful procedure but I was so hopeful that it would work. It had to! This was our only shot.
The wait to find out if we were pregnant felt like it took forever.  But finally, after negative sign after negative sign, I took a test and it was positive!!! I took another test, same result. I ran to the doctor's office to get a blood test to confirm and they told me, "you are definitely pregnant." I couldn't believe it. Sean and I would finally

have the baby we have been waiting for and trying SO hard for.

On March 15, 2011, at 12 weeks, I announced to the world that Sean and I would be expecting our first baby. It was something I always wanted to do. It was the moment I could scream from the mountaintops that I am
a mom! We were due with a boy who we named Jack Nicholas.  My pregnancy was perfect. No sickness, no issues, pure bliss. I was so happy being pregnant. It was the most glorious time for me. I loved my
belly, I loved feeling him move, and I cherished every second of it. I went to all my checkups. I did not miss one appointment or one ultrasound. Finally, the time for the delivery was coming closer. I was seeing my OB, Dr. Horst, on a  weekly basis. I couldn't wait for the moment.

On October 3, 2011, I was 38 weeks and 3 days pregnant. It was time for one of my weekly checkups. Sitting in the waiting room on the 3rd floor, I was in complete innocent bliss. I couldn't wait to get my cervix checked to see how much longer until I could meet my son. I was so excited. My name was called. When the doctor came in, he did his usual measurements and grabbed the doppler which measures the baby's heartbeat. He used the one doppler for about 5 minutes without hearing any sounds. He said he would try another one because it might not be working well. He used that second doppler for about 10 to 15 minutes and I kept asking if I should be worried. Dr. Horst kept giving me nervous smiles.  I kept thinking to myself "come on, Jack, just move for me, baby." At this point, I was scared. The doctor told me to get dressed so we could do an ultrasound to check that everything was ok. I was freaking out but at the same time I thought there had to be some sort of explanation. As I waited for the ultrasound tech, I grabbed my phone and googled every possible reason why a heartbeat could not be found. All I found was bad news. I was called into the ultrasound room and that's when it happened. Baby Jack was completely still and the heartbeat line was flat. Tears flowed and cries came out. I couldn't believe it. Was this actually happening to me???? I felt the world around me just fall to pieces. My doctor gave me a hug and the ultrasound tech said her "I'm so sorry's" and my doctor took me into his office. "I have to call my husband" were my next words. Sean answered right away and I broke the news to him. He rushed right over. While waiting for him, I called my friend Caroline and through my cries I heard her asking me to repeat the news and asking if it was a joke. If only I could say, yes. Things like this just don't happen. You read about it, you hear about it, but suddenly, I AM that person who's baby died.  After hearing our options of vaginal labor, waiting for me to go into labor on my own, or C-section, both Sean and decided on C-section. I could not deliver my dead son with hours of pushing. I just couldn't. All I could do was cry, "that's it". I couldn't do this again. Sean and I are not meant to be parents. We have suffered infertility and now we are experiencing the worst loss anyone could imagine.  I couldn't believe the tears and cries that I had let alone what Sean's reaction was. I did not want to put Sean through that again.

We went over to the hospital. The walk over was like a dream. I couldn't believe the son inside of me that I waited for and that I was so happy about was dead. I could feel him in there, just heavy. No movement, no fluttering, no hiccups. Just him. The nurses who walked us to our room knew what was going on. They took me with such kindness and sympathy to a back room away from everyone and everything else. I was told I had to wait 8 hours since I ate earlier before my surgery. I called who I needed to call and cried at every moment. Sean and I had lost the son we dreamt about for so long. I could feel his feet on the right side and I just wanted him to move so I could say it was all a dream. Someone came in and asked us the devastating question, "I hate to bring this up but in order for us to do an autopsy, we need you to pick a funeral home". Funeral home? I did not know where to even start. I never thought I would have to think about that. Luckily, our support system took over. From that moment on, Sean and I did not have to deal with the questions, the concerns, the funeral arrangements. Our amazing friends did everything for us. I do not know where I would have been without them.  After the long wait and the visitors who came to support us, it was time. The priest came in for the blessing and the anesthesiologist came in with the drugs. I remember feeling the drugs and seeing everyone as I was being wheeled away.

Sean sat next to me as the surgery happened. I couldn't believe we were delivering a dead son rather than being joyful and waiting to hold our new baby boy. I kept wishing I would hear a baby crying but my wishes did not come true. I told the doctors and nurses I did not want to see Jack because it would be too hard. But after the surgery, my doctor came up to my head and said I should see him otherwise I would regret it so I agreed. JACK WAS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BABY I HAVE EVER, EVER SEEN.  Sean and I held him and caressed him and cried and said over and over how beautiful he was. Sean says all he remembers is those red lips on my cheek. I am so glad I saw him and touched him. Now I only wish it was for longer. We both knew at that moment that we had to try to have another baby.  The nurse asked me if she could take him to my friends and family and show him to them. I said yes. We spent time in the recovery room which felt like forever. I just wanted to be back in my room with our family and friends. Sean sat by my side the entire time just holding me. We cried, we talked, we couldn't believe it.  The doctor said the umbilical cord was around his neck once but it didn't seem like it would have caused Jack to die. They could not see anything to show why it happened. We had no answers. Just a dead son.  We were wheeled back to our room a little after. Our support system was there to make sure we were ok and they left for the night.  My eyes were so puffy I could barely see. I couldn't sleep. I was awake throughout most of the night and finally watched the night turn to day.  Please let this be a dream, I thought. But it wasn't.  Sean and I spent 2 days in the hospital before coming home. The drive home and pulling up to our house was very hard. We came home empty handed.

Losing Jack was the hardest thing that has ever happened to Sean and I. After blood work, genetic testing, and an autopsy, we did not receive any answer as to why our baby boy died. Our lives were changed forever, we will never be the same, and we will never forget Jack. It has been almost two years, but I am still in mourning. I am still bitter. I am still angry. I am still sad. Most people do not realize that even after almost two years, the emptiness and heart ache are still there. People forget that Sean and I DO have a son and he will always be our first baby.  We are grateful for many, many things, however, not a day goes by when I do not ask why?

Since losing him, we were blessed with a natural pregnancy. We gave birth to Jack's little sister, Samantha, in August 2012. She truly is a miracle. I will never forget Jack as my first child, my first son, and the baby who made me a mom for the first time.

Thank you for listening to our story. In memory of Jack Nicholas.

What I Know For Sure

What I've learned in one year as a mom, is something no ivy-league college, how-to book, or professional mom could've prepared me for.  This has been the most out of this world, beautiful, patience testing, fear-facing, gruesome, best year of my existence.  The time has come, and I type this with a tear in my eye...  My daughter, Olivia, my first born, is turning ONE!

What I've learned over the course of one year:

1.  PLAN TO FAIL:  No matter how planned and ready you are for a baby, you're still not ready.  Nothing can prepare you for a child.  Sure, having a plan in place, the room decorated, a color coordinated closet with matching hangers organized by size (You know it), can and will help.  However, the "things" never seem enough, the nights are long, and the days even longer.  The journey is amazing and so is the learning experience.

2.  ENDLESS POO WITH A BANG & SPIT UP:  Sure, my daughter may have inherited the "Graver Curse" but babies are like little duckies.  They eat and poo, and when they get old enough, they eat, walk, and poo.  You never have enough diapers and it still hurts a year later to spend $50.00 dollars on a 3-week supply of diapers.  In addition, I've become a fart detective.  The little pop-pop's followed by her giggle are nothing to worry about.  It's the loud, gurgle pops of air you have to fear.  And at the end of a long day, when my child's tank is sure to be empty, she will surprise me again with a Hershey Kiss.  Along with lots of hot air and ca-ca, we have experienced our share of spit up.  We've gone through multiple different formulas and are now experimenting with cow's milk.  She spits up everything.  That expensive stroller and car seat, yeah, that was spit up on too.  My clothes, my hair, and just about everywhere in between, more spit up.  Thankfully, it's gotten better with age.

3.  LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT:  I wasn't one of these mom's that was head over heals in love with my daughter the second I saw her.  They laid her on my chest, she smiled, and nothing has ever scared me more!  It wasn't until we were alone and the excitement settled, that I fell in love and began to appreciate the little life I built.

4.  TEETHING:  The teething process has been my greatest challenge of motherhood thus far.  It's challenges come in waves as each new tooth emerges.  Teething can bring on a multitude of issues such as: fevers and cold-like symptoms, more poop, excessive drooling, irritability for mom and baby, and diaper rash from even more poop.

5.  SCHEDULE:  I was borderline coo-coo about Olivia's feeding/sleeping schedule and still kinda am.  She runs like a machine and it's very obvious when she goes off track.  I am one of these people that can't function on no sleep and I knew it would be tough in the beginning, but once I had her schedule set, it really was peace of mind.

6.  FRIENDSHIP:  Your friendships change when you begin a family like they do during all major life events.  Those important friendships that were there before Olivia was born, are still there, and they are now extended aunts and uncles to her.  However, you gain new types of friendships. I've met many new mom's and have even ventured outside of my comfort zone and done the whole play-date thing.

7.  PATIENCE:  A baby can and will test your patience.  You never really know how much patience you have until you raise a child.  I am blessed to have a very happy and well-behaved baby but during those teething waves, sometimes I feel like I got hit in the head by a 2x4.

8.  SCREAMING BABIES:  I used to cringe at the sound of a screaming baby in a restaurant or movie theater and now it's all white noise.  I'm on the other side now.  I feel every parent's pain when they just want to eat their last bite of steak in peace.  When we go out to eat we are automatically seated in what appears to be the designated baby section.  Food flying everywhere, crying and screaming, a cute, little stranger popped up behind me pulling my hair on the other side of the booth, it's all apart of life now.

9.  RELATIONSHIPS:  I can definitely see how a baby can take away from a marriage.  However, Brandon and I have really made US a priority and want to show Olivia how strong our family bond is.  While we don't have many date nights out, we do have enough alone time when the baby finally goes down for the night.

10:  THAT'S SO WEIRD:  My daughter hates blankets, sleeps with her ass in the air and her eyes wide open.  No matter how much I suction, the boogers keep coming.  She rubs a pillow on her cheek to fall asleep.  She loves purses.  She'll take everything out of a bag and then put it all back in.  I can only dream that it is a trait of a master organizer.  My daughter's head circumference is above average in size.  Clearly, she has a big brain and it's not just a Gibson head, duh!  Shockingly, between all the hair I've lost post-pregnancy and the hair Olivia always pulls out, I still have hair.  Nothing hurts more than a 4-tooth baby bite.  She loves to dance and has more rhythm than most.  Finally, she is a clone of my husband with a Graver personality.  Genes are powerful, folks, so pick em' wisely!

11.  WHAT I MISS THE MOST:  Sleeping-in.  I SO miss sleeping till late in the afternoon.  Those who personally know me, know I love and value my sleep.  I am thankful Olivia sleeps till 8:00 but some days even that is too early.  Running into the store no longer takes 5 minutes.  I have to pack the baby bag, pack her into the car, unpack it all once I arrived at my destination, of course I have to change another diaper somewhere in there, feed her, and before I know it, my trip to pick up some bread took 2 hours and $100 dollars.

12.  MY DAUGHTER, THE SPONGE:  She is always watching.  She mimics my every move, attempts to say what I'm saying, and follows me around everywhere.  My little shadow is a quick learner and tries her hardest to do the grown-up stuff.  That being said, I am her role model and I really have had to change some of the things I do so that I can lead by example.

13.  MY MUSE:  My daughter has inspired me on so many levels, including being HER mom of the year.  I want to design toys, write children's books, create bows and headbands, etc., all to make her future a lot brighter.  More importantly, she inspired The Pink Elephant.

14.  PARENTING 101:  I have days when I feel nothing is good enough.  I have moments when I feel I am failing.  There are times when my smiles aren't so big and angry words come to mind easily.  I question why I have a pouch that makes me look three months pregnant when Olivia came out of me a year ago. Sometimes I just want to cuddle my daughter, not the pressures of motherhood.  Some days I am so tired, the thought alone of changing another diaper is exhausting.  All in all, it's a journey.  I may never get it right and that's okay.  One thing I know for sure, we are doing the best we can.  We may not have a lot of stuff, but she sure has a lot of love.  Her home is filled with laughter.  Her daddy provides her with a home and things she won't remember 10 years from now.  However, she will grow up remembering all the love, hugs, patience, listening, and the fun memories and traditions that she will one day pass on to her children.

15.  MY ANGEL, MY BEST FRIEND:  Sure, we all think our children our blessings, angel's in disguise, the cutest.  Some  may even find they are spawn's of the devil.  Nevertheless, Olivia has a special heart that only those who have been in contact with her can understand.  Let me stress, Olivia is not perfect.  She has her moments and sometimes I just want to crawl under the bed and hide so I can be alone in silence for thirty seconds, but she is a very sweet baby.  Complete strangers have told me, "she has a beautiful soul."  At first, I think to myself, why are you reading her soul. However, she'll stroke someone's cheek, give a hug, a giggle, or a big toothy grin and people just light up.  I've been told, "she just makes me feel better," and, "she is special."  I know I may sound like a wack-a-doodle but Olivia really brings peace happiness to those around her.  She sure brings happiness to her parents, this I know for sure.

Finally, I've learned a million and one things over the course of this year.  There is not enough time in the day to list them all.  I've discovered a love greater than anything I've ever known.  A love so large, only parents can truly grasp this feeling.  To my sweet, little, Olivia, who is turning one today, you've made me so proud and I love watching you grow.  You never cease to amaze me.  You've managed to make time stand still even though my days come and go as quickly as they started.  You are tough and braver than you know.  I love your tenacity.  You are strong and I know you are destined to conquer this world and do great things.  Wrap wings around your heart and let it soar freely, for that beautiful heart has the ability to make anyones day a little brighter.  From Mama to Mommy, and Mom to Best Friend, I am so proud and blessed to call you my daughter.

Happy first birthday, Olivia.  Wishing you a happy life with love, health, endless education, vast journeys, and bright tomorrow's.  I love you more today than yesterday, and my love for you continues to grow with every tomorrow, this I know for sure.

Love Always,

Mama